Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor (try saying that five times fast) is celebrating his second birthday, and his parents are honoring his birth by asking for donations, for themselves, i.e. the ambiguous Archewell Foundation.

In a post apparently authored by “Team Archwell,” people interested in celebrating their son and honoring his second birthday can send a donation of $5 to help provide a COVID-19 vaccine for someone in need. They also show what is essentially a black and white photo of Archie with his back turned holding balloons.

The couple writes, “We have been deeply touched over the past two years to feel the warmth and support for our family in honor of Archie’s birthday. Many of you donate to charities on his behalf, and mark the occasion by giving back or doing an act of service—all through the goodness of your hearts. You raise funds for those who need it most, and continue to do so organically and selflessly. We remain incredibly grateful. 

“This year, our world continues to be on the path to recovery from COVID-19. Yet too many families are still struggling with the impact of this pandemic. While some places are on the verge of healing, in so many parts of the world, communities continue to suffer. As of today, around 80 percent of the nearly one billion COVID-19 vaccine shots that have been given were administered in wealthier countries. While we may feel that normalcy is around the corner, we remind ourselves that in much of the world, and especially in developing countries, vaccine distribution has effectively yet to start. 

“We will not be able to truly recover until everyone, everywhere, has equal access to the vaccine. And with that intention, we are inviting you to contribute whatever you can—if you have the means to do so—to bring vaccines to families in the world’s most vulnerable places. 

For a donation of just $5, you can cover the cost of a dose for someone in need. And because we were able to secure matching support from a number of organizations, that $5 you give will automatically turn into $20—covering the cost of four doses. Every single dollar counts—not only will it help save lives but it will help save families and communities.

“We cannot think of a more resonant way to honor our son’s birthday. If we all show up, with compassion for those we both know and don’t know, we can have a profound impact. Even a small contribution can have a ripple effect.”

Reading further on down the page, they are supposedly in partnership with Global Citizen and Gavi, the Vaccine Alliance, and donations are being matched by Seadream Family Foundation and the Mastercard Impact Fund. The details of all this seem murky, but apparently, a $5 can turn into $20.

This is incredibly disturbing. If the donation was being made directly to Global Citizen or Gavi then it would make sense. But they’re asking their audience to donate to them, with the promise that it’ll get where it needs to go. 

I’m sorry, but I have absolutely no trust in either of them to ensure that the money is used correctly. 

This is a woman who bought a $75,000 dress for an engagement photoshoot and a $120,000 Dior dress for a single evening engagement in Morocco, which was rather hideous and did absolutely nothing for her pregnant frame. The couple then moaned and complained about being cut off financially, while having millions in the bank.

They have no concept of money, and it’s remains unclear what Archewell actually does, if anything at all. There have been a couple of reports of small donations here and there, but the organization doesn’t seem to do much of anything. 

Also, the concept as a whole is a bit ridiculous. Not all countries have struggled with COVID-19, and it seems rather colonial of wealthy countries to push vaccines on those that are impoverished and don’t need it. I’m sure the people of South Sudan would prefer food, water, security and a variety of other things over a COVID-19 vaccine. That really doesn’t do anything to address the actual needs of the people in one of the most impoverished countries on earth.

There are much bigger issues in the world, and most likely we’ll find out years later that the paranoia surrounding the coronavirus was entirely overblown by the media and government officials interested in harnessing power.

So, Happy Birthday Archie! I hope your day is great, but never in a million years will I ever donate to your parents’ silly organization. I have much better uses for my money and would rather give it directly to those in need, not two wealthy ex-royals who preach from their multi-million dollar mansion.