Prince Harry dramatically left the royal family in 2020 in order to chase Meghan Markle’s Hollywood dreams—but he can’t stop gripping about the loss of his taxpayer funded security. The dim prince is now demanding that Home Office review and reinstate his former Scotland Yard security team when in the U.K. as his family is so special and critical that they are the number one target of terrorists, white supremacists and the Easter bunny.

It’s unclear why the sixth-in-line to the throne, non-working royal is at the top of the list for every security threat imaginable, but Harry’s never had a very good grasp on reality or common sense.

He publicly admitted not understanding the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution last year, and that’s just one example.

In a statement released by his legal spokesperson, not sure Harry and Meghan actually have anyone else on the payroll at this point, they attempt to make Harry’s case. They fail.

It begins, “Prince Harry inherited a security risk at birth, for life.” But apparently his “inherited security risk” does not extend to a lifetime of service. Interesting, and it just gets more ridiculous and self-important from there.

“He remains sixth-in-line to the throne,” there’s an easy fix for that, “served two tours of combat duty in Afghanistan,” playing video games and looking important for photo opportunities, “and in recent years his family have been subjected to well-documented” and also imaginary “neo-Nazi and extremist threats. While his role within the Institution has changed, his profile as a member of the Royal Family has not,” again, this is an easy fix. “Nor has the threat to him and his family.”

“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex,” of course who are they without their titles, “personally fund a private security team for their family, yet that security cannot replicate the necessary police protection needed whilst in the UK.” Well, your titled cousins seem to make a fine go of it without security. “In the absence of such protection, Prince Harry and his family are unable to return to his home,” which is utterly ridiculous and delusional.

They can return to the U.K. at any point, Meghan just doesn’t want to go and face the scorn and criticism of the crowds.

It continues, “The Duke first offered to pay personally for U.K. police protection for himself and his family in January of 2020 at Sandringham.” The Sussex duo have a bad track record with the truth, so I doubt this. “That offer was dismissed.” They probably asked for taxpayer-funded Scotland Yard security in the U.S. and the U.K. After all, they are super special people. 

“He remains willing to cover the cost of security,” unlikely, “as not to impose on the British taxpayer.” Then why are you asking for it? “As is widely known, others who have left public office and have an inherent threat risk receive police protection at no cost to them.” If he’s talking about politicians, he is wildly, wildly off base. The couple went to charity events and had a child, they were not making decisions that could have severe implications for their nation and the globe at large. Harry and Meghan are glorified influencers, hardly the people the lawyers are talking about.

He also sounds incredibly cheap and tacky, saying it’s not about the money but then saying that someone else gets it for free. It’s beyond petty. 

“The goal for Prince Harry has been simple—to ensure the safety of himself and his family while in the U.K. so his children can know his home country.” Oh, so you do care about that now. After the Oprah Winfrey interview, that wasn’t clear. “During his last visit to the UK in July 2021—to unveil a statue in honour of his late mother,” they have to play the sad and tragic Princess Diana card of course—”his security was compromised due to the absence of police protection, whilst leaving a charity event.”

Oh no! Did someone tell the poor little prince that he’s a tool or a wanker? Did his little feelings get hurt when a member of the public got too close?

“After another attempt at negotiations was also rejected,” because they’re probably sick of all of the begging and pleading, “he sought a judicial review in September 2021 to challenge the decision-making behind the security procedures, in the hopes that this could be re-evaluated for the obvious and necessary protection required.” It’s actually rather simple Harry, you are no longer a working royal and no longer live in the U.K., ergo you don’t get security. It’s pretty simple and uncomplicated. But again, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. 

In another nod to his former royal self, the statement concluded: “The U.K. will always be Prince Harry’s home and a country he wants his wife and children to be safe in.” But again, does Meghan really want to visit a place where she’s pretty hated and no one likes her? “With the lack of police protection, comes too great a personal risk.” Honestly Harry, no one cares. Actually, I take that back, you make yourself a target by being unbelievably obnoxious. 

“Prince Harry hopes that his petition—after close to two years of pleas for security in the U.K.—will resolve this situation.” Yes, Harry I can guarantee you that making the taxpayers of the country you abandoned pay for your security will help the matter. “It is due to a leak in a U.K. tabloid,” we always have to hate on the press, “with surreptitious timing, we feel it is necessary to release a statement setting the facts straight.”

Harry, you are a stupid, stupid man. 

As a former royal who voluntarily left the royal family, you left your privileges as well. This includes security. Demanding that the taxpayers fund it when you are in the U.K. will only succeed in angering an already exacerbated public. 

This was the stupid move of a desperate man who is being held hostage by a quickly dwindling back account and a wife who probably doesn’t care about ever going back to the U.K. The situation screams manipulation by Meghan, who doesn’t want to visit her husband’s country and face the royal family nor have her children in close contact with them. 

Most reports indicate that the royal family hardly ever saw the couple and only met Archie a handful of times. The excuse of spending time with his family is a joke.

The decision by Harry to pout and whine about his lack of security works well for Prince Andrew, who has been stripped of all of his royal privileges like his nephew. The Duke of York is probably leaping for joy that the spotlight and media/social media ire is turning back towards Harry. While it could be argued that this was a maneuver by the palace to take some of the heat off Andrew and his legal trouble, Prince Harry only has himself to blame for making the demand in the first place.

Members of the royal family do face threats, of course, but they are usually working members of the royal family, not irrelevant has-beens. The paranoia the couple are expressing over white supremacists and neo-Nazis screams of Meghan’s influence and an over reliance on leftist media, who have widely overblown this threat.

In fact, the greatest security threat to the royal family is Harry and Meghan.

The couple made unsubstantiated racist accusations against the royals that caused a security increase and potentially influenced a Christmas eve assassination attempt against the Queen. Meghan also accused Catherine of making her cry, which resulted in outrage on social media and threats, and probably lead to a security increase around the couple. This is an extra and unnecessary burden on the taxpayer.

The Home Office is probably rather perplexed why the greatest security risk to the Queen, Prince Charles, Camilla, Prince William, Catherine and the Cambridge children is demanding security for himself and his family.

Well Harry, there is a simple fix for that, which you are making easier every day for the royal family to justify. The easiest thing to do in this situation, and one that would remove most of his security risk, would be to strip him of his title the Duke of Sussex and to remove him and his children from the line of succession.

That’s the simplest solve for everyone, and one that should be used sooner rather than later.